We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
