on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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