I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
