I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
