I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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