is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
