Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
