If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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