Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Acid is not a monday night drug
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
