she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
