i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
