he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
