i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
