In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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