i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
