I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
