Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
