Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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