quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
