she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
