She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this will be a night to untag.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
