How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
