he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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