im about as happy as oj after his trial
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
