I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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