Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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