You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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