Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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