Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
