I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
