I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize