well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
