it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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