47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
