She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
