so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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