u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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