If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
