6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
