you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
