I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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