It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
