bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
