if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
