There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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