I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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