i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
