Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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