so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
