Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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