Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
