I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's official drugs can't kill me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
