My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
