The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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