As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
