I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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