I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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