whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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