What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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