Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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