i permit you to call me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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