just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
